I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
