After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My vagina is very pro this idea
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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