i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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