1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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