My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
