I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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