She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He felt like a one man threesome
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize