Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
COCAINE IS GR8
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