So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
