I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
