OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
