I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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