You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
