The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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