farters have to be the big spoon...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
