apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I will pee on everything he values.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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