Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
