It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
