So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
