pop tarts are not kleenex
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
