yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize