Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
