I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
