from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize