walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
