the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
