How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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