Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
