Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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