You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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