I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
