Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
