I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
