Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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