to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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