i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
