whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
