Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
