I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
