my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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