she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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