Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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