i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
