The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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