I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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