she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
