Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
