I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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