Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
