I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
