She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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