He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
