Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
