...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
