Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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