maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
