My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize