Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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