She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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