but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
