Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
