Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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