I can tuck mytits in my pants
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
